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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258455">after hours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/reydiant/pseuds/reydiant'>reydiant</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Real Person Fiction, Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:00:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/reydiant/pseuds/reydiant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>baby, where are you now when I need you most?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Driver/Daisy Ridley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>after hours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 2:46am when her phone rang. The sound blasted through the silence of the night. The bed felt cold next to her since Tom was away in another country shooting for a film. She was still half-asleep when she attempted to rise up by her elbows, looking for her phone and momentarily forgetting where she placed it. She turned the light on at the top of her side table. </p><p>Her phone was under her bed and no wonder the call roused her in the dead of the night. The number was unlisted and international. She decided in half a second to pick it up, thinking it might be a call from a director or producer. </p><p>“Hello?” she rasped. </p><p>There was a pause for a moment. </p><p>“...Daisy.” He exhaled. Like he was on a run and out of breath. She knew that voice. She would recognize it even if she was in the middle of a loud crowd. Could pick it out easily if someone were to ask her. </p><p>“Adam.” She said quietly. Then, she remembered that she was mad at him. That he broke her heart and that they haven’t properly talked or had a conversation aside from the nodding of their heads in acknowledgement. Not even outside of filming for the last Star Wars movie did they have a moment together. </p><p>“Is there a reason why you’re calling me at two in the fucking morning?” She demanded, now sitting up. </p><p>“Sorry.. I.. I just wanted to… I just needed to hear your voice I guess,” He mumbled apologetically. </p><p>“I’m in France right now, actually. I’m.. uh.. filming for a Ridley Scott movie,” he continued. </p><p>She had heard about it. She can picture him in his period clothes, away from the set to give her a call, and touching his hair whenever he’s conscious and anxious. </p><p>She sighed, “We haven’t properly talked for a year or two, Adam. Why are you calling me?”<br/>

There was some bustling from the background that she could hear. </p><p>“We’re at this location where the scenery is beautiful and there’s a small farm market nearby that you would like. I remember how we used to always talk about coming to visit here and staying in a small town where we could hold hands publicly because no one would recognize us,” He explained. </p><p>What Daisy doesn’t know is this: Ever since Adam made the decision to leave her to protect his image, he has been living his life with a hollow feeling. He said yes to roles after roles to fill in that emptiness but, no matter how much he worked during the day so he could be exhausted enough to sleep at night; he continues to be haunted by the memories and images of them. He would run circles in his head thinking and re-thinking if he made the right choice. He often turned to alcohol and even then it could barely get him by. He tried to use acting as a way to exercise his demons and it worked. For a while. Until the roles he accepted reminded him of his miserable circumstances in real life. He doesn’t know when it stopped working. Was it before or after he played Charlie Barber in Marriage Story or Pale from Burn This. He wasn’t sure. He had lost track of time for a long while now. </p><p>She replied tiredly, “Adam.. I can’t do this. I don’t do this anymore with you.” </p><p>She looks around her bedroom as she says this. Her and Tom’s room, she sometimes has to remind herself. The room is filled with knick knacks and books. The souvenir they got from Aruba, a tiny Dutch Carribean island off the coast of Venezuela, is placed on top of their dresser. Pictures are scattered and framed everywhere. Pictures of her and her sisters, pictures of them with his family and them her family, and pictures of them with friends. </p><p>What Adam doesn’t know is this: How hard Daisy has worked to rebuild herself after he came storming into her heart without so much as a warning, and then just leaving. How she constantly broke down to the point where she had to live with her sisters and her parents just so they can keep an eye on her. How she blamed herself for getting into an affair with a married man. How angry and hurt she felt when Adam chose his career and image over her. Over them. How she blamed his wife for a while until guilt wrapped their hands around her neck as if to suffocate her. How sad and exhausted she eventually felt. She could see why Adam wouldn’t want to ruin his reputation at the height of his career. She could see it but she would never understand it. Understand how he would trade happiness in life for something so fleeting as public validation. She had always thought Adam and her was just on borrowed time and that it wasn’t forever. She knew that but god did it still fucking hurt watching him leave.</p><p>“I’m gonna go, okay? I wish you the best of luck with everything, Adam, although I’m pretty sure you don’t need it.” She croaked. </p><p>Just as about she was to hang up, she heard him. </p><p>“........... wasn’t worth it.” He said hurriedly and thickly. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You were right. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth selling myself to a bunch of old pieces of shit to give me an award that doesn’t even fucking matter at the end of the day. It wasn’t worth the privacy I had to give up. It’s not worth the roles I’m being offered. It’s not worth staying with her. None of it was ever worth it when it meant I couldn’t come home to you after a long day.” He huskily said. </p><p>Daisy could feel her eyes tearing up and her throat closing in. </p><p>“I know you’re with him but please…. please don’t marry him.” He begged. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry for breaking my promise that I’ll stay with you. I’m so very sorry for breaking your heart. I’m sorry I didn’t choose you. The thing is… I never had choices before and when I did, I chose the wrong one. I’m not making an excuse. I just…. Please,” He said tiredly. </p><p>At this point, she had a steady stream of tears going down her face. </p><p>“Adam… I don’t know what you want me to do. I’ve… I’ve moved on. You can’t just fucking call me in the middle of the night pouring your heart out and expect me to drop everything just because you decided to want me again. That’s not fair.” </p><p>“I know it isn’t. I know. I’m a fucking selfish son of a bitch and I shouldn’t expect you do anything. I don’t deserve you. I never did. I didn’t just decide to want you again. I’ve always wanted you, even after all this time apart,” He gravelly said. </p><p>“I think I’ll always want you,” he quietly mumbled. </p><p>“I… It’s too late, Adam. I’m engaged to him. He…. he’s good to me. He was there to pick up the pieces after you left. He saw me grieve and pine for you while he patiently waited. I don’t– I can’t– He was there.” she said sobbing. </p><p>He chuckled weakly, “I always ruin the good things I have in life. I’m not surprised that I ruined this too. Listen Daisy, you don’t owe me anything. Not this phone call, not your time, anything.” </p><p>He breathed deeply, “I love you.” </p><p>Her breath stutters. Love. That’s something they have never said out loud before. No matter how close they were to saying it with each other, they’ve never voiced it out loud. Saying it out loud made it more real. They never let themselves get that vulnerable but oh how their eyes, actions, mannerisms, and body language said it. </p><p>“I have a feeling I’ll always look for things that will remind me of you. I just want you to be happy and if happiness is with him then…. I’ll…. I’ll let you go,” he quietly adds while sniffling. </p><p>The thing is she wasn’t unhappy with Tom but she also wasn’t the happiest with him. He sometimes made her forget that her heart belongs to a 6’4 hulking big man. He made it almost bearable that she wasn’t with Adam. Almost. If she were to admit the truth to herself, she’d find that she had been using Tom as a way to fill in the gap that could never be filled unless it was Adam. </p><p>“Fuck. Fuck, Adam. I… I love you, too.” She replied wobbly. </p><p>She took a deep breath to calm herself down. She knows what she has to do.</p>
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